


Please

by posingasme



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Hunt Gone Wrong, Hurt Sam Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Past Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-12
Updated: 2017-10-12
Packaged: 2019-01-16 15:15:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12345228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/posingasme/pseuds/posingasme
Summary: Sam and Dean investigate a series of murders, and become casualties in a war they didn’t know was being fought, between Vampires and Demons. The bad blood between the two factions becomes literal, especially when the vampires realize what’s in Sam’s can be used against the Demons. It’ll take another being of mixed blood to find him before he slips into the Void forever.





	Please

**Author's Note:**

> For an anon who wanted hurt!Sam Sastiel. Hope you enjoy!

It had taken four vamps to separate Sam from his brother, to prevent him from saving Dean. The desperation in his heart was overpowered only by his fury. The blood loss and pain did not even penetrate his rage until much later.

Bad blood.

Once they had finished their strange sadistic cutting, Sam lay broken in a cage for an unknowable time, waiting, aching, to learn whether his brother had survived, and if he had, whether he had been turned. Again.

Sam’s head crashed back against the kennel bars in frustration. For the second time, he may have let his brother be turned by a fang. At least last time, he had been without his soul and in possession of a probable cure. This time, he had simply failed, and there would be no recovery for his brother. Tears slipped down his bloody cheeks as he realized that the best he could hope for was that Dean was being kept alive-and human-as a blood bag until Sam could get to him.

After all, Dean’s blood was the good kind.

Sam had been alone for two days and nights now. He drifted in and out of consciousness. Sometimes he felt the pain, and sometimes he just knew it was there in the background, from a point of dissociation. He had been jarred awake hours ago by what turned out to be a hallucination, the sound of Dean yelling for him to hurry. He had slammed against his cage, tearing his hands anew, before realizing he was still utterly alone.

He thought of all the cages he had been in over the years, both physical and circumstantial, and many of his own making. His arrogance, his vengeance, his need to prove himself...Pride. A lot of it came down to that.

“We’re the guys that saved the world.” Hadn’t he muttered that in response to the fed’s question, after having escaped yet another cage? And how many times had Sam helped save the world because he had helped break it?

A bitter laugh startled him, and he gasped wide awake. It was especially disturbing to realize that laugh had been his own, echoing back at him from the walls of the empty barn.

So he was speaking, and laughing, aloud now. Excellent. Good sign.

“So, what do you think, Cas?” he wondered. “You think I’m getting out of this mess, or you think my number is finally up? All the wild crap I’ve lived through, or come back from, and it’s going to be a nest of fangs that takes me out. I was the one that ended the Alpha. That should have been the end of that, right? All the little lost vamps trying to find their way in the world without Big Daddy?”

That was what Dean had said three days ago. The words kept running through his head in Dean’s voice, mercilessly, and now Sam was repeating them aloud.

“Heading for the Void, Cas,” he mumbled. His tongue was swollen. He wondered if that was due to dehydration somehow. His father would be irritated that Sam was beginning to forget his survival training. “Sorry, Dad. Brain is kind of fuzzy right now, you know?”

He went back to chatting with Castiel. The best and worst ally the Winchester’s had ever had was currently on maternity leave.

“...not the only good ally...Jody Mills is a pretty kickass...Bobby is definitely-was…”

Answering his own thoughts was getting a little ridiculous, especially when he stammered aloud.

“Blood everywhere, Cas,” he whispered hoarsely. “Bad blood. First thing you said to me. Do you remember that? Sam freaking Winchester, boy with the freaking demon blood. Except I don’t think you said freaking. You’re an angel. And you’re you.”

“All right, Sam. Yes, I remember. Please just hold on.”

“Hold onto what?” Sam could feel sobs choking him, but no tears would come, not while he was this dehydrated. “It’s over, Cas. We had a good run.” He laughed again. “That’s what we say. We had a good run. Humans say that. You probably don’t know that phrase.”

“I’ve heard it,” his imagination answered. “Sam, tell me about bad blood. Please. It’s important.”

“Demon blood, man. You know that.”

The Castiel in his head sighed. “No, Sam. That isn’t all it is. The vampires who attacked you-“

“We attacked them. We just lost, that’s all.”

“Yes, but, Sam, why are they upset about bad blood? What does that mean?”

Sam took a labored breath. “It’s what the Leviathan did. You don’t remember. But a-a bunch of, um, a bunch of demons got hold of Roman’s old stash. They’re warring on the vamps. Dean and me, we were investigating the-the thing where people were-What’s it called when the people have all their blood…”

“Exsanguinated.”

“That. They were that. I can’t think anymore, Cas.”

The voice in his imagination seemed to hitch on emotion, which was so out of character for Castiel that Sam nearly laughed at himself. “Sam. Please focus. I know it’s difficult. I can feel your pain, and your fever, but you must focus. Please.”

“Don’t have to say please to me, angel. Tell me what you want from me, and I’ll do it. Anything. Did you know that? We didn’t always agree, but I always respected you.” Now he did laugh. “Respected. Worshipped. What do you think of that, soldier of Heaven? Boy King, True Vessel of freaking Lucifer, grew up to worship an idol. Chuck would love that, right?”

“Focus.” The voice was becoming strained with emotion now, and Sam didn’t understand why. “The Leviathan blood?”

“No. They’re just mostly black goo.” He paused, then realized what Castiel was asking about. “Yeah. Bad blood. So Dean and me walked right into the middle of a demon-vampire war we didn’t know was going on. The demons, they’re poisoning the vamps by possessing folks, and then injecting them with the-the whatever. And then the vamp chomps down and it kills them. So they’re seeking out humans that seem to be fine, like-like Dean, and they’re storing up as much of their blood as they can, but they’ve got to be alive. Because otherwise, it’s-it’s dead man’s blood, right? Complicated, man. Wish they could just eat salads or something.”

Castiel sighed. “Dean is safe now, Sam. I’ve located him. He prayed when you two were separated. But you…”

“Dean? My brother is okay?” Sam flinched and lay his head against the cage again. “Except that it’s a hallucination, moron,” he snapped at himself.

Castiel’s deep voice was faltering. “Sam, I’m trying to find you, to heal you. I left Kelly’s side to save you.”

“Cas wouldn’t do that,” he chided himself mercilessly. “He’s hellbent on his new mission. He’s not going to give that up for me.”

“I’ve always dropped everything for you,” Castiel murmured. He sounded sad, hurt, sorry. “Always. I dove into Hell for you and ripped you directly from Lucifer’s jaws. I put on hold the civil war of Heaven to respond when you needed me. I came to you when you called, even in my darkest delirium, even when I didn’t know what to say. I left a good home and a good wife, and became myself again when I remembered that you needed me, and I forgot myself again so that you might live. I gave up Gadreel and Metatron when it was clear that extracting that grace would kill you. There is nothing worth losing you, Sam. I’ve always dropped everything for you. Even when I broke your wall, it was in order to prevent your sacrifice from being undone. Raphael would have restarted the Apocalypse, Sam. I couldn’t let you have died and suffered in vain. Not if I could stop it somehow.”

“I know,” Sam sighed. “Everything you do, you do because it seems right. I know that. I’ve forgiven everything, Cas. Years ago, I’ve forgiven it all.”

There was desperation in the voice now. “But do you know why? Sam? Sam, you’re fading! Please. You’re fading, and I still cannot find you, and I have to tell you...Two things I must say. First, that I promise you your brother is all right. And second...Please, Sam!”

His eyes were closed, but he smiled softly through cracked lips. “Don’t have to say please, angel…”

***

Castiel gave a great cry of frustration. “Sam!”

Dean stared at him with tears and horror in his eyes. “Cas? What’s going on? Cas!”

“Blackness! Dean, he’s heading into the Void! I can’t...Dean, I can’t!”

The hunter was trembling violently beside him. “No! A-a reaper! We gotta-Cas, we gotta get a reaper! I’ll-Crowley! He’ll deal! I’ll make another deal, and-and…”

Castiel shook his head. “I’m losing him,” he moaned in agony. “I never told him...and now I’m losing…”

But a sharp voice sounded behind them. “Then get him back!”

The angel turned to stare at the huntress. “I don’t-Mary, I’m so sorry-“

She rolled her eyes. “Don’t you say that. My son is dying out there somewhere. You suck up all that nonsense and find a way to get to him, or so help me…”

“His blood.”

Castiel whirled on Dean. “What?”

“Can’t we...The demon blood. This thing with the vamps proved it’s still there. Can't we...use that somehow? To track him?”

Castiel’s heart soared as the idea caught in his mind. “No,” he murmured. “No, but I know who could. The child.”

“The-Lucifer’s kid? Are you insane?”

“Not Lucifer’s. Someone I spoke to recently, who sought me out. If his demon blood is still dormant in Sam’s veins, he would be able to find him, using it.”

“Cas, who-“

“Forgive me.”

With that, he flew from the bunker, wishing, not for the first nor thousandth time, that he could truly fly again. Once he was free of the warding, he threw his true voice to the sky in desperation.

“Please!” he cried in clipped Enochian, allowing his voice to shatter the glass of his car’s windshield without caring. “Please! If you’re there, please!”

“I’ve never heard an angel say please before. Except once, and it was meant sarcastically. I think you really mean it when you say it.”

He nearly wept in relief. “You’re here!”

The boy narrowed his eyes in just the way Castiel often did. “Was the baby born? I didn’t feel it like I did with the, you know. Conception.”

It was endearing the way this nearly omnipotent being could still blush when saying such a simple word. He was probably about fifteen human years, though what that meant for a cambion, Castiel couldn’t say. Jesse had never lost his power entirely. He had retained much of it during Lucifer’s reassignment to the Cage, because, as he explained to Castiel, “I thought I might be needed to do something good one day, so when I felt it draining, I told it to stop.” The immense strength the boy possessed, just in his ability to exert his will over forces more ancient than Time, was impressive. His intention to use it for good was admirable.

It reminded the angel so much of Sam Winchester.

“No. The child has not yet been born. That is coming soon. Jesse, when you found me after feeling the spark from the nephilim, I advised you to stay alert but hidden for now. I’m desperate today. I never would have called to you otherwise.”

Jesse nodded. “I know. You’re still resentful about becoming a toy all those years ago. But to be fair-“

“I was trying to kill you at the time. Yes. I know. I mean that I think it is still safest for you to remain hidden. But, my friend, there is a hero who needs saving. And I’m not-I’m not strong enough to find him.”

“Sam Winchester.” A flash of fear and concern crossed his eyes.

“Jesse, he’s dying, heading for the Void, where none of us would ever be able to reach him. Please. He’s a good man.”

The innocence in the boy’s face was apparent, even after all this time. Living in isolation for years had allowed him to remain unjaded. Castiel was envious of that, and heartened by it. “And you love him.”

His blue gaze dropped. “He’s a good man,” he said again, hoarsely.

Jesse nodded. “Yeah. I remember. He’s the one who was like me. Supposed to be evil. Supposed to destroy. He’s still a good man?”

Emotion tightened his throat. “There’s none better. Please.”

The cambion sighed. “You don’t have to say please. But I like that you do. I remember Sam. He told me the truth, helped me choose. I’m glad he made the right choices too. I’ll find him, and bring him to you, and you can love him.”

Castiel closed his eyes.

“It’s okay, Castiel. I know. You’ve done bad things. I see that. But you’re good. And in the end, that’s all that matters. He loves you.”

“How do you know?” It was said in a breath, without voice.

Jesse shrugged.

Then he disappeared from Castiel’s view, with a small pop, and Castiel could feel the tug of reality warping around him. It was only a moment later that the creature returned, and lay Sam Winchester at his angel’s feet.

“He’s nearly gone, Castiel. They marked him with sigils all over his body. I guess they were trying to do something to the demon horde. It burned my blood as I approached. I can’t heal him. I’m sorry. These bad monsters have been using some strong magic, trying to use his blood to hurt other demons. That’s also why you couldn’t find him.”

Castiel’s heart lurched painfully. “Thank you, Jesse. Thank you!”

Then the Winchesters descended, and there was shouting, posturing, guns drawn, shock exclaimed, and a cambion explaining, but all Castiel could hear was Sam’s weak heartbeat, his shallow breaths. All he could see was Sam’s bare skin covered in bloody sigils carved into the flesh and mud caked into it all.

He knelt and cradled Sam’s head and shoulders, ached with how light the man was. He held him tightly, and prayed silently, and touched his forehead with two fingers to administer his grace.

Sometimes healing someone made Castiel weary, especially if he was not in top form already. But for the first time, he felt a sharp, agonizing sting through every nerve in his vessel. He cried out in pain.

Jesse frowned.

Dean and Mary demanded to know what was going on.

Castiel gasped, but he closed his eyes tightly and tried again. This time, the pain gripped him, but he shoved his grace through it by force of extreme will. Sam was hurt. Sam needed him. Pain or no pain, nothing was worth losing Sam.

A weak moan emitted from Sam’s lips then. His eyes fluttered open. “Cas?” he murmured. “Are you hurt?”

Tears were flowing down his cheeks, but he shook his head. It was so like Sam to ask about him when he was the one at Death’s door. “No,” he ground out. “No, not if you’re all right. Are you?” he pleaded. “Sam? Please tell me you’re all right!”

The man smiled up at him. “You know you don’t have to say please. Not to me.”

Relief washed over him, and he could feel the rush of family moving in, checking on Sam, demanding answers, but it was all a din in another world. Sam was all right. Castiel could feel it. Sam was all right, and he would live to terrify Castiel another day.

The cambion put a hand on his arm. “We were both warded from healing him. You pushed through it when I couldn’t. I guess it’s true that love makes you stronger. I hope to find out one day. Good luck, Castiel. Be well. And be good.”

He meant to promise, but his voice failed him completely, and Jesse Turner, the once and perhaps future Antichrist, disappeared again.

***

Mary and Dean were relentless at first, but slowly, they seemed to become aware that both Sam and his angel were worn out, down to their bones. In time, they said their goodnights, and at last the two were alone again.

Alone.

“Hey,” Sam murmured. He felt somewhat sheepish bothering Castiel with this, but he couldn’t help it. “Do-do you mind staying for a little? It’s just that...I don’t know. You said I was gone nearly four days. I thought it was two. But it felt like a month. You know? And I was alone all that time, and…”

Castiel sat beside Sam on the couch in the bunker’s living area. “Of course, Sam. I’m happy to watch over you.”

The hunter felt warmth creeping up his throat, but he just smiled. “Yeah. Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me, Sam. It’s no hardship.”

Sam watched his own hands for a moment, then shrugged. “Seriously. Thank you. You saved my life tonight.”

Castiel seemed to be struggling with his words. “Yes, but-No, I mean…”

“You’re a good friend. I thought I had imagined you. You were really there.”

“I know I’m not always around, Sam. But I-You’re my family. I’m a Winchester, aren’t I? Dean said so. Sort of.”

Sam’s smile was both fond and sad. “Yeah, man. You’ll always be one of us.”

Castiel nodded, and lowered his eyes.

They were quiet for a long time, and Sam closed his eyes. He lay on the couch, afraid that Castiel might leave if he moved to his bedroom. He just liked having the angel nearby. It was a comforting presence that warmed him all over, in spite of the chill the hot shower had not corrected.

The angel seemed to sense the chill, because there was suddenly a blanket over Sam’s shoulders and chest.

Sam smiled suddenly. It wasn’t a blanket. Of course not. “Your coat,” he murmured.

“You seemed cold. I don’t need it. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

His eyes remained closed, but he took a deep breath. “Yeah. You said two things.”

“What?”

“Two things you had to tell me. One was to assure me Dean was okay, and thank you for that. Nothing I needed to hear more than that. But you thought I was dying, headed for the Void, and there were two things you wanted to tell me before I did. What else could be so important?”

Castiel hesitated long enough for Sam to wonder if he had actually disappeared. Then his friend cleared his throat. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

Sam huffed a laugh sleepily. “It mattered an hour ago. Come on. What’s the last thing you want me to know in this world? We do dangerous work, man. I could kick it any minute. Best to tell me now.”

“It doesn’t matter,” he said again, but this time it sounded like defeat. “You’re alive. That’s all that is important.”

At last, Sam sat up and turned to gaze at his angel. “Cas? If something is bothering you, you know you can always talk to me. I-I know you and Dean have...I mean, you’re best friends, and you’ve got-whatever-a profound bond, but I-“

“It isn’t that. Yes, Dean is my best friend. I think of him that way at least. And I do feel...differently about you.”

Sam felt the familiar ache in his chest that came with every reminder that he was simply the kid brother of Castiel’s friend. Anything Castiel did for him was truly for the sake of Dean. Sometimes he let himself forget, and it freshly flayed his heart when he was reawakened abruptly. “Yeah,” he said quietly. “No, I know. Still. If you need to talk, and Dean isn’t available…” What was he even saying? Castiel had made it clear that there was nothing Sam could offer him.

The chill was worse suddenly, but he swallowed and handed back the coat.

Castiel had given him enough today. Sam didn’t deserve-didn’t need-that comfort too.

His angel-and when had he started thinking of him that way?-frowned down at the trench. “I thought you were cold.”

“I’m fine, Cas. Thank you. Don’t worry about me.” He gave a weak laugh. “What did you say that time? You sometimes ignore certain components of my personality? I don’t blame you. Probably smart.”

But Castiel did not return the smile. “Sam, I don’t think I said that.”

“Sure you did. You said I’m troubled a lot. So you just ignore it. You know you don’t need to worry about me, Cas. I’m good. I just wanted to be sure you know I’m here if you need to talk.”

“And you would rather I left you alone now.” It was said quietly, with hesitation.

He forced a smile. “I’m good,” he said again woodenly. “You have enough to worry about. You saved my life today, Cas. You don’t owe me anything. I just thought you wanted to talk, but...but you don’t, so…” It was nearly as bad as when he had been dangerously dehydrated and lacking in blood. He couldn’t think, couldn’t make his words come out in any sensible way. He just wanted Castiel to stay a little longer, and he also wanted him to go, and never think of Sam again.

The angel continued to watch him. “Sam, if you don’t mind, I’d like to stay. And I do want to talk. That is, I do have something I’d like to say. But I haven’t been able to form the words yet. Being so close to losing you, again, made me afraid I would never have the chance to get my words right. Even now that I have the chance, I still don’t know what to say.”

Sam felt his weary muscles bracing the way they would before a fight. “Do you need Dean? Or-or Mom? She likes talking to you, Cas. If I’m not helpful-“

“You’re Sam.”

He blinked. “I’m-yeah. So?”

Castiel wet his lips with narrowed eyes. “I don’t have the words,” he breathed out in exasperation.

Sam realized how frustrated the poor angel was becoming. He reached up and put his hand on Castiel’s arm. “Hey. Don’t worry about it. Okay? We all had a rough week, what with the torture and all. Not an unusual week, but a rough one.”

“I can’t handle it again, Sam!” Castiel blurted out.

He stared at him. “What?”

“You and your brother are always trying to dive into the Void, and I can’t take it anymore! Heaven, Hell, even Purgatory! I can follow you there somehow. If I can’t save you, I could at least suffer with you! I came for you, Sam! I fought hordes for you! Lucifer killed me because I tried to come between you. And then, when he took me as vessel, and he tried to snuff you out…”

“You saved me. You did what I did, forced your will over his.”

Castiel shook his head. He gazed into Sam’s eyes with a desperate intensity. “Yes. Lucifer. Sam, there is nothing in the world more terrifying than the Fallen Archangel. I have been terrified of him for my whole existence, since the first war of Heaven. Yet I will stare him down, again and again, for Sam Winchester. I called upon the Cambion today because it was the only way to save you. I will never be so strong as you, but I will always do whatever it takes to aid you with what strength I have.”

The concept was taxing Sam’s exhausted mind. “Cas-“

“You know this, but do you know why?”

He swallowed thickly. “Yeah. Because of my brother.”

Castiel rocked back in the chair beside the couch, as though Sam had punched him in the throat. “Because...because of Dean?”

Sam couldn’t look him in the eye anymore. “Yeah. And-and I appreciate that. You know? That you care about him so much. That you care about-about me because he does.”

Castiel stood and stumbled across the room. Then he turned back to where Sam sat miserably, awaiting confirmation of what he had always known.

“Cas, it’s okay-“

“No!” The angel stabbed a finger toward him. “No. I love Dean. We are family. But I love you! I’ve been in love with you for most of my life. I know that now. You just hadn’t yet been born.”

Sam’s breath caught in his throat.

“All my life, I’ve spent lonely, the angel of solitude, an individual within the Legion, an imposter among my brethren. The spanner in the works, the one who came off the line a little bit broken, who required realignment like no angel before me, excepting Lucifer himself. And all my life, I have sought a friend, one who knew what it was to doubt, who could feel the desperation to be good even while his very nature made him everything that Heaven opposed. One who had steadfast faith but who harbored doubt, and who knew that doubt does not necessarily invalidate faith, and neither does faith have to be blind. All my life, I’ve watched humanity, loved humanity, and waited for you.”

When he could breathe again, it was to gasp through emotion. Sam’s eyes were burning with it, his muscles trembling with its weight.

The angel threw his hands up, then shoved them into his pockets, trench coat hanging over one arm. “I’m in love with you, Sam. Your patience and your temper, your cynicism and your innocence, your humor and your selflessness. I love you for running to put yourself between any good person and danger. For putting yourself between Lucifer and the world. I love you, and you terrify me more than even he does, because I love you, and because you love your family and humanity so fiercely, and the Cambion will tell you that makes you stronger than the Devil. You are why I must protect the Nephilim. Because we both, and Jesse Turner too, were created to be monsters among our kind, and yet there is good in our strength. There is love in our strength.”

Hazel gray eyes blinked once, and tears slipped down Sam’s cheeks. He was too stunned to even wipe them away. “Cas?”

“I love you. I’m in love with you, with the way you break but come back stronger every time. I love you for your mistakes, and for your pride, and for your utter inability to give up. Dean is my hero and my best friend. But my love for you has grown separate from him, and-and if there is one thing I would want you to know before you die, it is just that you are loved. I’m not Metatron or Kevin Tran, and I’m surely not my Father. Words will never be my weapon of choice. You can see now why I didn’t want to say it so clumsily. But there it is, and you know, and now you understand.”

“I don’t understand!” Sam barked out. “I don’t-What does that mean?”

The blue stare penetrated straight to his soul. “What does it mean? I’m in love with you! I would ask you to be my mate, except that I know you prefer a female, and humans are particular about gender-“

“No!” Sam jumped to his feet, only to cringe back to the couch when painful dizziness hit him.

Castiel’s hand was on his arm. “Sam! Be careful. You are still regenerating after the blood loss!”

But he shook his head. “No, it’s okay. Cas, no, I don’t-I mean, yeah, I like women. But somehow that’s never mattered with you. I don’t know why. Castiel, I’m in love with you, and I have been from the start. I’ve tried not to be, because-because I figured you were only just tolerating me for Dean’s sake, and even if you weren’t, I couldn’t imagine you ever feeling anything for me. Cas, please! If you’re sure you understand what you’re talking about, if you really mean what you’re saying? Then please. Please.”

Soft lips touched Sam’s briefly, in a shy rush. Then a content grin came over the angel. “You never have to say that, Sam. Not to me.”

He was lightheaded and dizzy, but he felt warmer and more hopeful than he had in as long as he could recall. “I’ll say it every chance you give me. Please, Cas. Please let this be real.”

Relief shone in blue eyes, and Castiel wrapped his arms around his hunter happily. “You are Sam,” he said again. “I will always love you.”

***

The man glanced down at the woman hiding in the hall with him, and smirked. “Told you,” he muttered smugly.

Mary stared at her son and his angel down the hall. “Well, John and I had talked about wanting three sons. Because the first two were so wonderful. I guess we could do a lot worse than an angel.”

Dean snickered. “Trust me. Sam _has_ done a lot worse than an angel.” His smile softened then, and he took his mother’s arm to lead her back to her room where they had been talking. “Kid deserves to be happy. Both my brothers do.”


End file.
